How do you change the "yea, but" to the "yes, and" mindset?
It's simple (but not always easy).
Two Steps:
Choose the values you will honor to say "yes" and "no" with intention
Be clear on what to let go of to be your best self
"Yes, and" in action
In 2022, I started a mommy-daughter tradition of taking each daughter on a work trip every year.
This year, my youngest daughter Emma, chose to go with me to Salem, MA where I had the honor of supporting Craftsman Technology Group at their company retreat.
In order to adopt the "yes, and" mentality for these trips, I have to first know what I wanted to say yes to. This choice is always centered around my values. For me, I prioritize 3 values. This time:
Connection
Presence
Empowerment
Then, for every decision I made, I asked myself "What does it look like to honor presence, connection and/or empowerment here?"
While it's not always easy, the decisions become clearer when I set a boundary around the values I wish to honor. Here are a few examples:
Value: Connection
Letting Go: The Hero Mindset
Learning from my December 2022 trip with my oldest daughter, Olivia, where she got the flu and I had no help juggling a keynote speaking obligation and a sick daughter, my dad came with us this time!
Yes = ask for help
No = trying to do it all
Value: Presence
Letting Go: Being Everything to Everyone
Pirate museums, ghost tours, making a custom witch's broom, going to wizard world, early morning breakfasts, rooftop afternoons, family dinners. We said yes to all of Emma's requests!
Yes = experiencing Salem with Emma and Poppi
No = evening team building activities
Value: Empowerment
Letting Go: Mom Guilt
My dad and Emma had 1:1 time during the day while I led conference sessions and we explored together in all the in-between times.
Yes = the joy of facilitating all 3 days
No = feeling guilty for loving what I do
By taking the time to get clear on your values and what you're willing to let go of, your choices become clearer. The tradeoffs are easier to make.
Let me be clear: I do not promise easy, but when you prioritize your values, experiences become more joyful and opportunities for saying "yes, and" will find you.