I have a go-to question that I lead with when getting to know a new client. “What keeps you or wakes you up at night?” This question helps me uncover the real support that's needed, not the ones that are appropriate for a scope of work or polished enough for an email.
The clock strikes midnight and you're either wide awake or suddenly awoken with a spinning mind. It doesn't matter what "it" is that woke you or how important "it" is, midnight is the time your brain has decided to put serious thought into whatever "it" is. I've experienced this in my own life and I have talked to many leaders who experience this same thing. Here are some tools that helped me during those midnight scaries.
Dark Journaling
Keep a notepad and pen by your bed. When you wake in the middle of the night, do not turn on any lights or pick up your phone
. Instead, journal in the dark. You’re not concerned with legibility in this exercise. You're giving your thoughts a place to go outside of your mind. You may find it insightful to review your journaling later or it may be nonsensical. Either way, giving your thoughts a place to go other than swirling around in your mind, may be what you need to fall back asleep.
The last time I did this, the next morning I realized the pen I used was out of ink. It didn’t matter as most of my previous writings in my dark journal were illegible or nonsensical, but it allowed my mind to rest, so my body could too.
Reuniting Your Whole Self
This is a sensory, mindful evolution of counting sheep. When you wake up and your mind is racing, it is no longer present with your body and soul. Let’s bring your mind back to the rest of you so you can get back to the important action of sleep.
When you wake up to your mind spinning, first try box breathing to slow down. Like the age-old adage of counting sheep, the counting aspect of box breathing can be very effective. Counting your breath versus sheep helps guide your mind back to where your body is. Then, continue the alignment and slow down process by naming five things that are present with you in the room. They could be structural like doors, windows, or fireplaces, or tangible like your bed, a partner, an animal, or a rug. Then, name five things you can feel in the moment. Emotions are okay to acknowledge but go for tangible sensations: warm socks on your toes, cool pillow on your cheek, firm hand under your pillow, soft pajama pants on your legs, cozy sheets on your skin. Continue both practices until your mind is fully present to your surroundings.
This has been my go-to practice for three years and counting. I chuckle sometimes because the lists are almost memorized, but sometimes I will add in context like “textured gray wall” or “navy blue buttons on my tufted headboard” though this is usually not necessary because the simple thought of naming tangible items and sensations cues my brain to wind back down to sleep.
Acquiesce your Space
A client, Raymond, found another tool that was useful for him: he acquiesced his bed to his thoughts. If his thoughts wouldn’t leave his mind, he offered them the room and went to his guest room. He made the guest bedroom inviting with clean sheets, a bottle of water, and even a lavender spray. His mindset: if they won’t leave, I will.
I hope one of these remedies will support you. After all, Einstein taught us that we cannot solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it, so try something different and see what happens.